Qujing Tourism?

Qujing Tourism?

by Erin Lynch, October 2001

Qujing's premier tourist attraction

The first night we were in Qujing, we were told the cave they wanted us to explore was flooded (bummer) and there were no other caves nearby (further bummer), but would we like to see some pictures of the entrance? After feeding us lots of nice lamb and good beer an english-teacher turned tourism official took us to his office and whipped out a few photos, and asked us "What do you think of when you see this picture?" with this really expectant look on his face. Hils and I were like, "Uh, it looks like a classic blind-valley horizontal entrance, er, about 80m high? Quite narrow? Reminds me of every other horizontal entrance I've seen in China. Uh, what do you want us to say?" Clearly disappointed and acting like we'd missed the most obvious feature, he said, "Don't you think this looks like the female sexual organ?" Er, well, maybe if you squint a bit... Anyway, it wouldn't have been my first guess. This guy went on to explain how it was going to make an amazing tourist trap. There was a nearby phallic mountain, and he and his buddies were busily making up a "local legend" about a goddess, or a pair of lovers in times of yore, or something along those lines. Hils and I nearly wet ourselves.

We'd gotten completely soused at dinner, and Liu Hong was in an even worse state. In Shilin he'd been bringing take-away to our campsite every day, and over dinner he apologized because one day he'd had a particular delicacy at lunch and hadn't brought any for us. Pig's penis is apparently good for, um, "endurance" I think was the word he used, if you're male, but doesn't do much for us double-Xers. Then he turned to Hils and said, "But, I know you like the penis". So Hils' expedition nickname should be "Likes the Penis", but she wouldn't let me put that on the website... Anyway, there we were in the office with this english teacher whose vocabulary was clearly inferior to Liu Hong's, and he was going on about Vagina Cave, and Liu Hong was standing in the background wiggling his eyebrows, saying "You like this cave, you like the penis?" and it all just went downhill from there.